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Here’s the simple solution to all of our problems with health care reform: GIVE SENATOR JOE LIEBERMAN EVERYTHING HE WANTS! Absolutely everything. The Senate may be half-way there way already, and the rest of Congress should follow suit.

Really, the man from Aetna, er, Connecticut, will stand for nothing less!

Public Option — gone! Medicare for folks age 55 to 64 — kaput! My advice? Whatever amendments Joe wants kept out of the final bill, kill ‘em! Whatever Lieberman-authored amendments are presented on the floor of the Senate — praise them mightily and vote them in, unanimously!  Eliminate all corporate taxes for Aetna? If Joe insists upon it, thy will be done! And should Joe still feel the urge to filibuster the final measure, for God’s sake let the man kvetch! On whatever topics he wants, for as long as he wants. Television broadcasting should be locked onto C-Span, so we can hang onto Joe’s every public utterance, and laugh at every one of his lame, recycled jokes. Let his remarks in the public record be “revised and extended” in perpetuity.

Let’s face it: Whatever watered-down, unfathomable hodgepodge of health care “reforms” finally emerges from the U.S. Senate, it will have Joe Lieberman’s sticky fingerprints all over it. And when the Senate and House are ready to reconcile their differences, let Joe Lieberman set the agenda. The less we see of Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid during this messy process, or Mitch McConnell or John Boener, the better. It should be “The Joe Show.”

When the massive bill finally reaches President Obama’s desk, let’s not call it “health care reform,” or even “health INSURANCE reform,” for it won’t reflect either of those noble pursuits. Rather, the legislation should be heralded as…LIEBERCARE! Let’s have the Health & Human Services Department issue all Americans…LIEBERCARDS. And each card should carry a small hologram of Joe Lieberman’s clownish visage in its top right corner.

Then, whatever goes awry with the implementation of the so-called reforms, be it wholescale rationing, death panels or higher taxes, we can all blame it on one man — Connecticut’s august junior senator. Not Obama, Not the Democrats. Not even the just-say-no Republicans. Just Lieberman. After all, if anything about “Liebercare” goes the least bit right, you can bet ol’ Joe will take credit for it.

Yes, the sarcasm here is intentional. Thanks for putting up with it. If you’d like to see additional samples of my work, please click here.

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Over a long career drawing caricatures and editorial cartoons, I can report that Sarah Palin is one of the greatest gifts ever to our profession! She’s more fun than Bill and Hillary combined. She has the intellectual wattage of George W. Bush coupled with the paranoia of Richard Nixon! And that presents endless comic opportunities for cartoonists. The fact that Palin was a former beauty pageant contestant only helps matters. Contrary to what many lay people think, beauty queens and supermodels are easy to caricature.

So, I LOVE Sarah Palin! Not enough to buy her memoir, of course. That would mean a SERIOUS commitment in time and cash. Besides, Ms. Palin may have taken some “poetic license” in writing her autobiography, at least its chapters on the election, creating an alternate reality for herself. That’s what editorial cartoonists like to do — make things up as they go along. We only happen upon the truth once in awhile, usually by accident. Otherwise, we offer lazy political analysis, inflate grotesque rumors and deliver sarcastic cheap shots. Not unlike Sarah Palin’s style of governance.

But let’s get back to caricature and the subject at hand: Sarah Palin’s face. Starting with her eyes.

Eyes are the key to drawing successful caricature, as personality is most immediately expressed through them. Palin’s eyes are always wide open and quick to judge (usually harshly). They dance with sarcasm and burn with resentment. She’s got axes to grind and wildlife to skin! As for eye makeup, Ms. Palin applies it like a pro. Not in a trashy way (though it’s always fun when some political figure ladles on the mascara and eye-shadow — a la Argentina’s president, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner). Rather, Sarah Palin could pass for a cosmetics technician at an upscale, Middle-America department store such as Nordstrom. Her makeup expertise makes my job easier!

No doubt about it, Sarah Palin looks great at age forty-five! I trust she won’t someday “airbrush” the crows feet lines away from her eyes with Botox. They add character, a touch of gravitas, and don’t in the least bit make her look “old.” And let’s not forget that chin! Palin’s facial bone structure, over all, is impressive. But few have a chin as expressive as Palin’s: jutting, clenched in defiance and certitude, in a way that comedian Sarah Silverman would describe as expressing both “arrogance and ignorance.” Palin knows what she knows (to know more would be “elitist”) — and, dang it, she knows what’s right!

As Sarah Palin sets off on her grand book tour, she has let the world know of her displeasure with Newsweek having featured her on its cover in shorts and running shoes. Seems a bit odd, as Palin, a dedicated jogger, posed for a photo spread in Runner’s World just this past August. Nonetheless, she declared the Newsweek pose undignified and the magazine “sleazy.”

I suspect another reason for her objection to the pose. “Sarah Barracuda,” the take-no-prisoners hockey mom, the fierce basketball point guard from high school, has the sturdy legs of a roller-derby queen, not a Rockette. There’s meat on those thighs, and she’s a touch thick around the ankles. Having watched her swimsuit pageant walk on YouTube, I suspect the legs might have cost her the Miss Alaska crown back in 1984. (I haven’t seen the talent part of the pageant).

In terms of faces to draw, political cartoonists have much to be thankful for these days. Barack Obama has a great head — a cranium made for sculpture, interesting in its many angles. His wide, electric smile, second in size only to Jimmy Carter’s, contrasts markedly with his strong brow and flashing eyes. Nancy Pelosi has the eyes of a dragonfly, and the habit of smiling broadly at inappropriate times. But, for the sheer fun of drawing caricature, Sarah Palin’s face is hard to beat! Editorial cartoonists wish her a long and prosperous future, at our expense!

My fantasy caricature of the former governor? Field-dressing a moose in the buff, amid the snowdrifts. Should I ever draw that cartoon, you’ll see it here first!

Well, thanks for stopping by. If you’d like to see additional samples of my work, please click here.

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The American people have spoken, and a wave of change has begun. After last Tuesday’s election, Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi tried to claim victory. The left-wing media tried portraying the Republicans as a party at war. But the American people, specifically moderates and independents, swung towards the Republicans in significant numbers. The electoral tides have shifted, and if the Republican Party doesn’t waste this opportunity they will ride the wave of economic discontent to major victories in 2010.

Cartoon by Michael Ramirez - Investors Business Daily (Click to enlarge)

Specifically, the Republicans swept the two governorships up for election in 2010. Although the GOP lost a competitive House seat in NY, the loss was a result of a corrupt nominating process, not conservative ideas. As C. Edmund Wright writes in American Thinker, “The Democrats did not lose a 2-1 squeaker last night. They lost two huge races, saw an overall evaporation of 25 basis points of support — and lost by nearly 500,000 cumulative votes in the three high-profile elections.”

The best news of the day came from Virginia. Republican Bob McDonnell, an outspoken fiscal and social conservative, trounced Democrat Creigh Deeds by nearly 20%. The Republicans also defeated at least six incumbent Democrats in the House of Delegates and won the important Lieutenant Governor and Attorney General’s races by comfortable margins. All three of the statewide candidates in Virginia — Bob McDonnell, Bill Bolling for Lieutenant Governor and Ken Cuccinelli for Attorney General — are outspoken conservatives. The left-wing media tried downplaying Obama’s involvement in the Virginia rout, but Obama had personally campaigned for Deeds, and over the weekend Obama signed a personal letter urging 300,000 of his supporters to support the Democrat. Evidently his calls fell on deaf ears as independents broke two to one in favor of the Republican candidate.

The news out of New Jersey was equally dismal for Democrats. Goldman Sachs millionaire Gov. Jon Corzine, who had purchased his previous elections and outspent his opponent Chris Christie by a three-to-one ratio, was rejected by the usually reliably Democratic electorate of New Jersey. This was a major setback for Obama as he had campaigned for Corzine multiple times including just a day before voters went to the polls. Just as in Virginia, voters in New Jersey threw out the incumbent and voted for a believer in limited government.

Of the three closely watched elections, the only loss for conservatives came in upstate New York. Doug Hoffman, a hero of the conservative tea-party movement was defeated 49 percent to 45 percent. This race was a boondoggle for Republicans, as the party bosses nominated a liberal who ended up dropping out of the race and endorsing the Democrat. If Hoffman had been able to run as a Republican he probably would have won the election. If the party bosses had nominated a real Republican — rather than a Democrat in disguise — the Republican candidate would have been in a good position to win.

The message from these results to the Republican Party and conservatives is that they need to stick together. The only way they lose in 2010 is if they sabotage themselves. Conservative candidates should compete in the primary system, and avoid launching third-party bids for office. Senator John Cornyn states that the NRSC won’t interfere in competitive primaries, which is exactly what the party needs. If conservatives and moderates are both able to have a fair opportunity in the primary, and the loser agrees to support the winner, Republicans will emerge united and victorious.

The message to Democrats is crystal clear. Voters are sick and tired of what is happening in Washington. The White House announced that Barack Obama didn’t bother watching the election returns. Maybe this is because Rahm Emanuel and the sycophants that surround Obama don’t have the courage to tell him his leftist agenda is unpopular. Government-run health care is unpopular. Huge new energy taxes are unpopular. His dithering in Afghanistan is unpopular. His bailouts and America’s rampant joblessness is unpopular.

Barack Obama should be watching the election returns. If he were listening he would learn from Tuesday night and take America down a less radical path.

—–

©2009 Floyd and Mary Beth Brown. The Browns are bestselling authors and speakers. Together they write a national weekly column distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate. Floyd is also president of the Western Center for Journalism. For more info call Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or e-mail cari@cagle.com.

Floyd’s latest book (with Lee Troxler) is “Obama Unmasked,” from Merril Press. Mary Beth’s latest book is featured at www.condibook.com. Time magazine wrote of Floyd: “Brown has stature among devoted conservatives that almost matches his physical heft (6 ft. 6 in. and 240 lbs.)” See more at Floyd’s blog at www.2minuteview.com.

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My view on health care reform will outrage many: I support a single-payer system. There, I said it.

BUT, for those of you who’ve just written me off as a “socialist,” please bear with me for a few paragraphs before you…pull the plug. Or call me a LIAR!

At this point in the debate, I don’t care WHAT kind of single-payer system we devise. It could be public…or PRIVATE. We could copy the British national health care system, or we could all pay premiums to a single, private, mega-insurance monopoly. 

We need ONE health insurer. No more. No less.

During his speech on health care reform to a joint session of Congress, President Obama cited several tragic cases where our broken insurance system abruptly shortened patients’ lives. But I don’t need to cite similar tragedies to make my point. I need only talk about my own, garden variety experiences in dealing with the “world’s greatest health care system.” 

Two years ago, I fell off a ladder while painting my dining room ceiling. More accurately, the ladder toppled over, tossing my scrawny body across the room. No cause to sue the ladder manufacturer — I alone was to blame. It was late at night, and I was rushing to finish applying a coat of primer so I could get to bed. The ladder got to rocking and…kaboom! 

It was my first serious injury. My femur broke in three places, including a nasty compound fracture which produced blood and gore. There was also a spiral fracture running nearly half the length of the femur. And I’d broken my left elbow, too. Amazingly, the tub of primer landed face up on the floor, right next to my head Thank God for small favors — primer, once it dries, is permanent!

I’d always wondered what broken bones felt like? Now I knew. It was midnight, and I was hollering loud enough to wake up the neighbor’s dogs. My wife called 911. The EMTs showed up within fifteen minutes. Wedged as I was between the dining room table and the window seat, the EMTs had to figure out how to gather me up without harming my back before they could load me into the ambulance. 

The half-mile trip to the hospital took all of four minutes. Treatment at the ER bordered on torture. Dick Cheney would have approved. But violations of the Geneva Conventions were necessary to determine the extent of my injuries. At one point, I lifted my head up from the gurney and asked the doctor peering down at me, “This isn’t going to become an episode of ‘House,’ is it?” He grinned and then proceeded to catheterize me. “TRAUMATIC INSERTION!” he barked to the nurse who was jotting things onto a clipboard pad. That meant the insertion had drawn blood.

I was scheduled for emergency surgery at 6:30 that morning. It took three hours to clean up the wound, repair my femur with a 10-inch titanium rod, and sew me up. The orthopedist had hoped to untangle the gnarl of damaged ligaments around my left knee, but he was unable to do so  — thereby limiting the ultimate range of motion of my left leg.

My hospital stay lasted a week, to insure that the open wound caused by the compound fracture would not become infected. The hospital environment was godawful. The parade of nurses and technicians was, for the most part, a tour de force of arrogance and indifference. The food was vomitous. The room was dirty, with an unemptied potty chair in the corner by the bath. One of my three roommates that week was psychotic. At one point, I dropped my plastic urinal, which was filled nearly to the rim. A nurse’s assistant, brand new to the job, rushed to clean up the mess — only to be called away and scolded by an R.N., telling her not to perform an orderly’s job. The puddle of piss sat there, unattended, for more than an hour. Mere existence in that hospital seemed to put me at risk of serious infection!

Despite these indignities, I was reasonably pleased with my orthopedic surgeon, and the physical therapists who worked with me afterwards were great. Today, my fourteen-inch scar is almost invisible, and I walk with my normal gait and speed — though not without pain or diminished flexibility. My knee looks weird, but it could have been much worse. Compared to some of your own hospital experiences, I got off easy!

Yet, during my week in the hospital, and the three full months of recuperation at home, I learned just how poorly our health insurance system functions. There is little or no choice, but there IS rationing of health care. And there is waste and inefficiency galore — much of it to the benefit of insurers, doctors and hospitals alike. 

The half-mile ambulance ride to the hospital cost over $700, most of which I had to pay myself. I asked the insurance claims adjuster why the ride was so expensive? She blithely replied that the uninsured, using ambulances as cab service to the ER for minor ailments, are jacking up the costs. 

Upon my arrival in the ER that fateful night, the doctors asked me what medicines I was taking? In divulging that information, I was tuning my pharmaceutical routine over to the hospital. The hospital would determine if, when and how much medicine I could take — and THEY would administer it. So, the Albutirol I took only occasionally to treat mild asthma would, I soon learned, be administered to me every day by a respiratory therapist. At grandly inflated hospital prices!

One evening, while receiving my Albutirol treatment, the psychotic roommate went berserk, convinced that flies and mosquitoes were buzzing about the room and eating him alive! Panicked, he began rattling this bed. Then he began rattling mine! The jostling knocked my nebulizer out of whack. The face mask filled up with drug-laced water vapor and my eyes began to burn. The bitter taste in my mouth was sickening. I rang the bell for assistance, repeatedly, but the nurses ignored it. I waited a few moments, then pressed the buzzer four times fast. There was an eruption of laughter from the nurse’s station. Finally, I yanked the mask off my face and let the Albutirol steam pour into the air. The respiratory therapist arrived about ten minutes later, on her regular schedule. She wondered what the hell was going on? By then, the psycho, babbling and drooling, had drifted off to la-la land.

For the privilege of staying at the “Hospital St. Ritz,” my insurer was charged $1,600 a day for room service alone. Thank God there wasn’t a mini-bar! The entire bill for the ER, surgery, hospital room and in-house therapy came to $60,000. My insurer paid for nearly all of it, and for that I’m eternally grateful. But I had to deal with insurance agents, and claims adjusters as though it were a full-time job. I was forever on hold, calling the wrong department, or typing detailed letters. And I had to do a selling job, over and over, to convince these industry bureaucrats that I had, in fact, suffered serious injury.

                    *          *          *          *          *

…On ordinary visits to a doctor, I typically sit in the waiting room for at least an hour, sometimes two, before I’m allowed into the “inner sanctum” of the doctor’s office. Then, I’m ushered into a little room, where I’m left to wait for another twenty minutes before the doctor deigns to see me. The consultation lasts about six minutes. 

(Don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish to portray doctors as ogres. One physician of mine, in particular, takes his time with me and takes copious notes. But he’s an exception to the routine).

Virtually every one of you knows this dreadful routine. It remains one of the great mysteries of modern medicine: How can a patient wait two hours for a six-minute appointment? If you’re visiting a group practice, there may be ten medical secretaries crowded behind the front desk, juggling a hundred different insurance companies trying to limit or deny referrals and tests for patients. Hostility lurks just under the surface. Their job seems like a living hell to me.

When your G.P. recommends a specialist, you go to THAT specialist. Few of us have the time or information to make educated choices about doctors. But once you start going to specialists, as so many middle-aged folks do, there’s no escape. You’ve got to keep going back for more tests and consultations — if only to insure that your insurance company will continue partial coverage of the medicines your doctor has prescribed.

There’s got to be a better way to do this. I’m under no illusion that a government-run system, or a private, mega-insurance company, would make health care easy or cheap. The rich may have choices; they always do — whether it’s medical care, college education or asset management. But the rest of us, the toiling masses, have only false choices. We have the insurance plan our employer (or, in my case, my WIFE’S employer) provides. We go to the specialists our G.P. selects for us. We go to the nearest hospital if we’re injured. And when our insurer raises a premium or denies a procedure, we get by with less or do without. 

Now, efforts to reform health care are in the hands not only of Barack Obama and Kathleen Sebelius, but of members of Congress with names like Max Baucus and Chuck Grassley, Olympia Snowe, Nancy Pelosi — and, yes, Joe Wilson. And just like when we go to the doctor’s office, we sit and wait. And wait some more. We’ve been waiting for decades.

On that grim note, thanks for stopping by. If you’d like to see additional samples of my work, please click here.

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…Sniff…Sniff. Hey, what’s that smell? Ugh, looks like the Speaker of the House has really stepped in it! Oy — and such expensive shoes! And now she’s leaving a circle of foul footprints in the Capitol Rotunda. So, just how much did Nancy Pelosi know about waterboarding, and when did she know it?

“MADAME SPEAKER! Point of inquiry. Why don’t you get a stick, sit on the Capitol steps, and clean off your shoe like the rest of us have to do?”

But what really gets me about Nancy Pelosi are those gargantuan eyes. Or, more specifically, the way they blink. I call it “contact-blink,” suffered by people who’ve never really adjusted to wearing contact lenses. People with contact-blink have eyes that constantly alternate between a startled and sleepy look, punctuated by forceful blinks that resemble neurological facial tics. Saturday Night Live comedian Kristin Wiig has incorporated these ticks in her fine impressions of Ms. Pelosi. The Speaker’s giant brown eyes only serve to exaggerate this trait. But I can’t complain — what’s good for the impressionist is usually good for the caricaturist.

Most people who wear contact lenses don’t suffer from contact-blink. Hillary Clinton, for instance. As anyone who has seen photos of Hillary as a college student knows, Ms. Clinton is extremely nearsighted. Imagine if her big blues were blinking like a crazy person’s? Former SNL castmember Amy Poehler would have to deliver even more caffeinated impressions to capture Hillary’s essence.

But back to the Speaker. I don’t find Nancy Pelosi Pelosi as easy to caricature as Hillary Clinton. Like Angelina Jolie, of whom I wrote about in an earlier blog, the Speaker has extreme facial features. To exaggerate them further, in caricature, means having to perform a balancing act. The dragonfly eyes and Lucille Ball smile dominate her face. The caricaturist has to be careful not to distort them to the point where she would be unrecognizable. Further complicating matters are Pelosi’s smallish, finely sculpted nose (by Mother Nature, not plastic surgeons). Make it too small in comparison to Pelosi’s eyes, and, again, you run into problems with proportion.

Still, bland she ain’t. So I wish Madame Speaker well — at least in the perverse way I think something being “well.” That, whatever Pelosi knew and whenever she new it, she’ll stick around and step in other stinky substances for editorial cartoonists and caricaturists to savor.

Hey, thanks for stopping by. If you’d like to see additional samples of my work, please click here.

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